Self-awareness and self-preservation

My life started and ended in the same moment.

The many bad habits I perpetuated over the years ended. Negative thoughts of self-destruction ended. The cancer that plagued my abdomen disguised as irregularities in several areas of what should be normal bodily functions.

Yet in all that chaos, my life started again.

Like the cliché of the phoenix being reborn from its ashes, I have been as well.

I seized it as a time to take control of my life. It feels like I have control again.

I have a daily schedule which I control and maintain on my terms.

It is easily overlooked by many. Which makes sense to me. A large majority of people were taught basic disciplines as a child.

We forget the children ignored by the structure. The wards of the state must acquire these skills later or by other means.

This is a personal experience. My personal experiences have always been the metaphorical cliché of the phoenix because that’s my inclination. There is a fiery drive to keep pushing, even if I don’t want to push anymore.

I am driven by a passion that burns brighter than the sun itself.

Is it a sign for great things, or just the animalistic drive to keep going?

Self-preservation is a basic instinct, we all have it.

I am aware that remission does not mean I am cancer free forever. Remission for me means that I have a second chance to tie up loose ends. I don’t want to leave on a bad foot. I want to walk out of this world resign with grace, not afraid.


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